IN PRIVATE BETA · LAUNCHING SOON

Serious analytics.
Unserious subject.

PoopBot turns your server's bathroom breaks into a ruthlessly quantified competition. Five quality metrics. Daily streaks. One leaderboard. Every legend starts somewhere — usually the bathroom.

🚽 Currently in closed testing with trained professionals.
PUBLIC LAUNCH: WHEN IT'S READY
💩
PoopBot ✓ APP
Today at 9:14 AM
ThroneGoblin's poop stats
Activity
Total poops: 247 · Last: 2 hours ago
Streaks
Current: 34 days · Best: 61 days
Server rank
#1 of 48
Quality (over 231 scored)
Average: 7.8 / 10
Strongest: Ghost Wipe (9.1 avg)
👑
ACTUAL /stats OUTPUT · NUMBERS TREATED WITH UNDESERVED GRAVITY
0
Servers in private beta
0
Poops logged so far
0
Streaks active right now
THE METRIC SYSTEM

Five metrics. Zero mercy.

Every log is rated 1–10 across five rigorously arbitrary dimensions. Your averages follow you forever.

⏱️
Time on the Throne
READING A NOVELPIT STOP
server avg 6.4
🧱
Structural Integrity
MODERN ARTMASTERPIECE
server avg 7.1
👻
Ghost Wipe Potential
WHOLE ROLLONE WIPE WONDER
server avg 5.2
😌
Relief Factor
MEHLIFE-CHANGING
server avg 8.3
☣️
Biohazard Level
LIGHT BREEZEEVACUATE
server avg 5.8
🔥
Daily streaks
Log every day or lose it all. Computed in your server’s timezone, so nobody games the midnight line.
🏆
Per-server leaderboards
Your stats live where you earned them. A legend in one server, a rookie in another.
🌍
Timezone-aware
One /timezone command and streaks respect your server’s clock. IANA-grade precision for bathroom scheduling.
📣
Announcements
Every deposit is celebrated with a randomized one-liner. The server deserves to know.
⭐PLANNED
XP & levels
Grind experience the only way that matters. Levels, ranks, and the flex that comes with them.
🎖️PLANNED
Badges & achievements
Secret unlockables for milestones we refuse to describe in public.
📈PLANNED
History charts
Your quality trend over time, plotted like it’s quarterly earnings.
📊
Quality averages
Five metrics, aggregated forever. Your Ghost Wipe average is a matter of public record.
ONBOARDING, SUCH AS IT IS

Three steps to the throne.

STEP 01
💩
PoopBot ✓ APP
● Online
Add the bot
One click, standard permissions. It arrives quietly and waits.
STEP 02
⌘/poop
Rate Your Poop — five fields, 1–10. Honesty is enforced socially.
Log the deed
Run /poop after the deed. Rate it across all five metrics. A 30-minute cooldown keeps the numbers honest.
STEP 03
🥇 ThroneGoblin247
🥈 fiber_enjoyer231
🥉 you, eventually?
Climb the leaderboard
Streaks are daily, timezone-aware, and unforgiving. The top spot is earned one sitting at a time.
THE WAR ROOM

Your numbers deserve a terminal.

Leaderboards, streak calendars, and a five-axis quality radar — every stat your server produces, rendered with the gravity of a trading desk.

poopbot.app/dashboard
Total poops
1,847
Active streaks
12
Top this week
ThroneGoblin
Quality avg
7.2
LEADERBOARD
01 ThroneGoblin 🔥 34 247
02 fiber_enjoyer 🔥 28 231
03 DumpTruckDave 🔥 12 198
04 colonel_mustard 🔥 9 154
QUALITY RADAR
TIME STRUCT GHOST RELIEF BIO
DASHBOARD IN DEVELOPMENT · SHOWN: DESIGN TARGET
💩

Something special is brewing.

We're building the ultimate bathroom competition. Stay tuned.

COMING SOON